What Every Man (and Woman) Needs

This week's article has been curated from "Awakened to My Wife" by Dana Thompson. Get your copy in the eGen store. 


When God formed man from the dust of the earth and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, He knew Adam still had a need. God chose to create a distinctive sense of “aloneness” in Adam that was not filled by His personal presence. I know that may sound like blasphemy to a theologian. However, Genesis 2: 18 states, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (NIV). God said that Adam was “alone”; not lonely, but alone. Adam experienced God in the beauty of His holiness, and in His splendor and perfection, yet Adam was alone. Spiritually, Adam’s need was met. His emotional and physical needs, however, were impossible to satisfy without the presence of another person, another human being like himself. God foreknew this, and planned to fulfill Adam’s every need with a helpmate. And He did this in part by providing a wife. God knew Adam needed a wife to fulfill his emotional and physical needs.


I’m sure that at first it was hard for Adam to see his need for a helper who was “suitably fit” just for him. Like most men, he became so involved in his work of tending the garden that he was unaware of his personal needs. So many men start working and establish their identity through their work early on; as a result, they fail to realize their need for a helpmate.

So the Lord prepared Adam. He brought a group of animals for him to name. Yes, this was an exercise for Adam to use his creativity, but it was also the means by which God showed Adam his need for a helpmate. Can you imagine going through hundreds of paired animals in a day, looking at both of them, and giving them names? How long do you think it took for something to click in Adam that revealed his need for a companion? No telling! Yet it took God’s intervention to make him aware of his need for a wife. Until and unless God awakens the need within a man for a wife, he will remain unmarried all of his days.

The Lord caused a “deep sleep”to come on Adam. Ladies, this is very important for you to remember, so I’ll say it again: unless God awakens a man’s need for a helpmate, he will remain unmarried. I’ve seen women do everything possible to get the attention of the man they felt would be their future husband, but to no avail. Why? He was in a “deep sleep!”And he will stay in that deep sleep until the Lord awakens him.


When I was a minister at a particular mega-church, I occasionally had door duties greeting people leaving the services. One Sunday a young lady came to me and said, “I need your help.”I went over to see how I could assist her. She told me that a young man was following her and she knew he wanted to ask her on a date. I considered that to be a strange concern. My thought was, “If you are not in any type of physical danger, why bother me with a guy who is interested in dating you?”I asked her to show me the young man. When she pointed him out, I smiled, because I knew him. I told her that he was a law student who had just returned from school for the summer, and his parents were very well-known in the church and the community. I looked at her afterwards as if to say, “You ought to be honored that he is interested in you.”She looked at me with mild disgust and walked away.

That same young lady is now my wife. I didn’t know it then, but I understand now that she was trying to say, “Hey, numb skull! I really like you, and someone else is on to me. Be my hero and take me away in your arms!” Back then, I was in a deep sleep; I had no inkling that the Lord’s provision was right before my eyes. God will present to a man His provision, his future wife, but that man has to receive the gift. Adam’s way of accepting God’s provision was in his statement, “Wow! This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh! She shall be called, ‘My woman!’”(Gen. 2: 23 NIV with author’s paraphrase)

Ladies, you can wear your best hairstyles and outfits, have your eyebrows arched, put on your best perfume, and stand right in front of a man, saying with unspoken beauty, “Here I am! You’d best know your God, and receive this precious gift.” Yet, if he is still in a deep sleep, you will be wasting your time and energy. Until God awakens him, he will not be able to see or receive you as the provision of the Lord.

I want to thank you for being patient with us, women. Pray that God will awaken His unmarried men in this hour. Once God awakens a man and reveals to him the provision of the Lord, he will open his mouth and say, “This is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh!”Or, as they would say in the movie The Matrix, “She’s the one.”I tell you the truth, the majority of men today need Christ and a wife. I am so thankful for a helpmate who complements me. She teaches me how to submit to Christ and protects me from my weaknesses.


Notice that God did much more than give Adam someone so that he would not be alone. God’s solution for Adam’s need was to “make a helper suitable for him”(Gen. 2: 18b NIV). It’s important here to note that “helper” does not mean “second-rate partner.” On the contrary, in the day when Moses wrote these words, to identify a woman as a “helper” ran counter-culture to the commonly held inferior view of women. Moses actually elevated the sense of woman’s worth and role by calling her by the same name used in other places in the Old Testament to describe God Himself. To be called a “helper” here speaks more to the simple fact that God had plans for Adam that he could not fulfill without a wife—he was incomplete. Adam needed His wife Eve. Adam needed Christ and a wife.

Please understand that I am not implying that every unmarried person is incomplete without a spouse. We are all created in the image of God to fulfill His purpose and plan for our lives. Nevertheless, in God’s timing, He may sovereignly choose to bring a husband and wife together for them to accomplish together as one what they could never accomplish individually. When God calls you to awaken to your mate, He gives you a spouse who, by divine design, will perfectly complement you. Together you will be resilient and more effective than either of you were when you were apart.


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